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My Breakdown in May

Last night I cried. No matter how much personal work, inner work, personal development, coaching, self love ...That we do, we still go through challenges. It makes it easier to see the the end of the tunnel... to push forward, to not want to give up, to know that, what I'm feeling at this moment is temporary. Nonetheless, we still have struggles. Personal development is there to help us evolve. So that when I look in the mirror, my perception of what I see, shifts. So that the story I've been telling myself and that I picked up somewhere, or that I heard someone say about me, that isn't serving me anymore but did at that time, dissipates, and gets softer and softer.

Breakthroughs happen, when we have a breakdown. And a breakdown doesn't mean that our life is shit or that we're not worthy of more. It's simply a reminder that we remember this pain because the pain is going to catapult us into the next phase of our life... Into what?

The growth! It's a growing pain.

So we find ourselves crying and stuck. That's because our energy is expanding, our wings are starting to form, and we are taking on a new energy. The evolution of you!

The Universe is consistently there to help us with the life we choose. To make space for that which we really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really want, we must be willing to let the old and tattered go. It's not easy to let go. I've been struggling. I've been putting off making a decision that has taken me years. Years! Years... to make.

  1. ... because I could tolerate what I had.

  2. ... it just never seemed to be the right time.

  3. ... I didn't want to hurt people.

  4. ... I didn't want to take on the responsibility.

Here are some tips for you to take away if you're having a breakdown.

  1. Shift your perception into "the breakthrough is coming. I am so Fucking close!" Get excited & enthused. Because this means that you're growing. This means that you are feeling that which is meant to be felt. You are alive! You are human. You are evolving. You are changing forms. You are expanding. Because we all know that, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".

  2. Cry your fucking eyes out, or let out whatever your emotions are being bottled up. Do whatever you need to do. Do it in a safe space. Do it in a sacred place. Call your best friend. Tell her you need a glass of wine. Tell her to bring the tissues. Get the Ben and Jerry's ice cream, froyo for me. Go to the beach. Get your journal, crystals, whatever it is, candles, and/or sea salt. Take a bath. Get your oils. Go outside in nature. Dip your feet in the ocean or in a body of water. Connect. But do "release" "release!" Let it fucking go. The amount of discomfort you're willing to undergo and feel, will tell you the magnitude of the life that you want to live... the awesome life that you want to live. When you get to the other side, you will be so grateful. So grateful, that you went through the pain, and it's so worth it. It's all worth it.

  3. Furniture has got to be moved. Go through the motions. If it's a divorce, do what you got to do. Start the paperwork, pack, AND live elsewhere while it's all sorted out. New energy can't come in if the stale air is just lingering. Pack some boxes, dust off some shelves. Do it. Don't complain. Get the work done. As a matter of fact, don't even think about it. Just do it. Next thing you know it'll be closer to the end than the beginning.

Life is a consistent whirlwind of your evolution, my evolution... individually.

I wrote this blog 2 years ago during my challenge to move out. My dad and I were living together for 9 years. I wanted to leave, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I had given him my word we would buy a house together and I changed my mind... a whole slew of reasons there.

Our brains consistently will choose what is best for us, consciously and subconsciously. Why? Because one, there is a part of us that knows our purpose, mission & vision in this lifetime and/or two, we are still looking to fulfill something that was missing in our life. It's not about the facts of life, it's about our individual perceptions. What I lived in my life is My Journey. My Story© and no one can tell it if s/he was there without having his/her own projections.

I struggled to make the choice and didn't want to hide that I was looking for a new place nor surprise him. It would have been a surprise no matter what I said, or did.

Sometimes in life we make decisions that not everyone will understand. It's ultimately your journey and your story!

One of the questions I ask myself when I'm contemplating between what to do, I ask myself: If I was 100+ years young and/or on my deathbed, will I regret not taking this opportunity/making this choice?

I want my life to be full of memories that were my decisions, not someone else's desires, wishes, goals, dreams or fantasies.

The only illusion of life is living inauthentically, outside of your own beliefs. I strongly encourage you, as I do this for myself often, to ask yourself: "Do my words and actions match?" and "Am I doing what I wholeheartedly desire?